Everytime we get together and our meetings end up by concluding nature and behaviour of a person. We harangue in one group or another and as there is a call of this young age group, one target is set and the person's (target) whole personality is crushed.
All of us expect so much from others that we ourselves fail to measure the expectations. The length of this is known by few and deluge of expectations are set by many. When not fulfilled, you are declared a black shadow.
Why people can't accept the real you? We tramp on this Earth wearing fake smile on our face and feigning fake courteous words for our friends and colleagues. We keep on running in this mad crowd in search of those dark caves. Many of us far transgress to prove our potential to be tolerant, sometimes to save a job and sometimes to keep the bonds of relationships strong and smooth.
A life that asunders our two selves and I feel like living in a multitude of split personalities.
In our hostel magazine my poem "Black and White" has been published. Have a look...
Everything in this world changes
Once people come to know the real you
You become a black shadow...
No white, No grey
Black guzzles all to dismay
Why people run after white?
Just to pull out white and wise from you
Why they never want to face the real you?
You try to blanket yourself
Inside the darker caves....
But how can you mend the ways
With those you have spent so many days...
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Scaling heights freely......
29th April was the day of exploring world outside the little window. It was the first time when I went for an offcampus interview for Freescale Motorola. After applying offcampus for the same the idea was not to swim across the English channel like a winner but the never dying temptation to go to Delhi and meet my cousins haha... bad gal. Delhi, the only place where I have spent all my summer vacation.
My elder brother was even more excited and kept on boosting me up to appear sincerely."So what if you couldn't make it on campus..c'mon you can do it",were his words.The same boy who bore my sententious words whenever found playing computer games instead of studying.
One day before the test mamma and I reached Delhi.Next day my uncle,mamma and over burdened Ms reached Express Tower,Noida.The height of the building was not more than the heap of presentiments of questionaire that was to be faced close in time.While at the reception I signed in and saw the list of 108 people, most of them from IITs,NSIT,TIET and BITS, "just run away" were the words that came out effusively and even louder than the whispers of the people around.
Inside that building I was feeling like a cyborg as all the doors were electronically operated and we like robots were crossing those in series.Okie....So, finally we were in the hall. I chose to sit in front of a girl sitting alone and started talking.She was from NSIT. Test was nerve-wrecking as it was on campus."Lady time is up.Stop writing now", alarmed me.Perhaps In all the university exams my paper had never been fully attempted.So, 29th April though a different day was proved not so different in one way. As far as managing time in exams is concerned, I have always been a scape grace :(
There stood mamma smiling" how was the test?"said she."You know my answer" ,I panted.She smiled and said,"pata nahi...yahi naa aur kya".Naren uncle like always said boisterously to mamma,"Didi,lets go for a treat she'll surely get through".Clearing the written test of Motorola was not a thought even beyond the end of my mind. .
Clock struck 2:00 o'clock and the result was displayed.My heart beat was so fast ,I don't know why there was a hope for the hopeless case.Nimisha Saini interview at 5:30 pm....my name was among those 36 people. "Mausa ji, this is next to impossible..clearing this test is a king's play not a jack's hit". He kept on realizing me my strengths and target.The value of relationships and family love is the oxygen of my life as I'm nothing without them. My journey has been so far so good only because of my family and people around me.An sms from my cousin was one of the deciding factors to appear for Motorola after being beaten 2 times on campus.
Though I have two placements in hand but Freescale Motorola is a big name when compared to Wipro and Flextronics.
My brother's phone calls started striking mamma's cell after every 1 hour. So many people around and nobody's cell's ringing frequency was as high as mamma's.Those were the calls from a worried brother who became elder to me in just 2 months after being posted away from Delhi.How distances heal concern and cement the bond was the one more lesson in my account that day.
Other TIET guys,all from B.Tech talking to me like I am the one armed perfectly in the battle field.M.Tech in VLSI was the Brhamastra according to them.
The air around became so stressful as one by one candidates were being called by a girl flinging here and there like a kite.Suddenly,Nimisha Saini..I became so cool just before entering the room. There I saw two men in the mid 30s sitting on the other side of the table.We shook hands,I managed to smile somehow and introduced myself.Now the funny journey began and i tightened the seat belt..my eyes beseeched "leave me I cleared the test by mistake".There was no way out and electronic door was closed.All the stupid and meaningless theories started demanding a valid reason for there existence in those old mildewed books.We were heading towards a journey inside the thick of thin things and this went on for 2 hours. Okie I am ashamed...I don't know this and that...leave me.This was a call from the wretched brain of mine,more looking like a standing jest. Thank God!! it wasn't too bad but not very good.
Getting back to the normal world was so peaceful.By that time a rare feeling of troubling mamma and uncle arrested my heart.It was 8:30 pm.The whole day they just sat on the sofas reading magazine and observing the MNC trends.A bunch of friends from NSIT amused everyone out there.
The hope of getting in never stirred my mind and the same feeling still existed inside.The result was declared dramatically as always and 7 guys were selected. Just 7 of 108!!!
"The day was not wasted,see the exposure you got",were papa's words. "So what if you rejected their offer",said jokingly.This is my papa,always cool.Sympathies and congratulations for clearing the written (atleast) were in my way after getting back to masi's place.
This was true.The day was not wasted.Atleast I stepped out of that long corridor from VLSI lab to HOD's office.Sick of swinging like a pendulum between these two ends the day gave a chance to see outside the window,one side of which is my group of 4,Alpana mam and a journey to Kurukshetra almost every weekend.The other side was scaling height freely and competing with the top rankers.
Last four months have been passed sitting in front of computer, analysing those waveforms and finding a meaningless meaning out of those.That black screen of Tanner EDA tool leaves no chance to get a glance from me even in my dreams.My thoughts have been confined to the VLSI lab and getting out of it one Saturday when Sundays and Saturdays have really lost there meaning, felt like scaling freely at FREESCALE Motorola.
This is for mamma,papa,my brother and relatives
A sleeping thought gets meaning
when you awake me...
Thin things become so thick
when you talk to me..
Heights loose the awe
when you embrace me...
The power bestowed by you
is the one that drifts me..
Its just love and nothing else
that drives the world...
Surprised at those
who are alive and kicking..
Living without a drop of affection
In a dearth of warmness..
Striving for a relationship
in a hunger of liveliness.
My elder brother was even more excited and kept on boosting me up to appear sincerely."So what if you couldn't make it on campus..c'mon you can do it",were his words.The same boy who bore my sententious words whenever found playing computer games instead of studying.
One day before the test mamma and I reached Delhi.Next day my uncle,mamma and over burdened Ms reached Express Tower,Noida.The height of the building was not more than the heap of presentiments of questionaire that was to be faced close in time.While at the reception I signed in and saw the list of 108 people, most of them from IITs,NSIT,TIET and BITS, "just run away" were the words that came out effusively and even louder than the whispers of the people around.
Inside that building I was feeling like a cyborg as all the doors were electronically operated and we like robots were crossing those in series.Okie....So, finally we were in the hall. I chose to sit in front of a girl sitting alone and started talking.She was from NSIT. Test was nerve-wrecking as it was on campus."Lady time is up.Stop writing now", alarmed me.Perhaps In all the university exams my paper had never been fully attempted.So, 29th April though a different day was proved not so different in one way. As far as managing time in exams is concerned, I have always been a scape grace :(
There stood mamma smiling" how was the test?"said she."You know my answer" ,I panted.She smiled and said,"pata nahi...yahi naa aur kya".Naren uncle like always said boisterously to mamma,"Didi,lets go for a treat she'll surely get through".Clearing the written test of Motorola was not a thought even beyond the end of my mind. .
Clock struck 2:00 o'clock and the result was displayed.My heart beat was so fast ,I don't know why there was a hope for the hopeless case.Nimisha Saini interview at 5:30 pm....my name was among those 36 people. "Mausa ji, this is next to impossible..clearing this test is a king's play not a jack's hit". He kept on realizing me my strengths and target.The value of relationships and family love is the oxygen of my life as I'm nothing without them. My journey has been so far so good only because of my family and people around me.An sms from my cousin was one of the deciding factors to appear for Motorola after being beaten 2 times on campus.
Though I have two placements in hand but Freescale Motorola is a big name when compared to Wipro and Flextronics.
My brother's phone calls started striking mamma's cell after every 1 hour. So many people around and nobody's cell's ringing frequency was as high as mamma's.Those were the calls from a worried brother who became elder to me in just 2 months after being posted away from Delhi.How distances heal concern and cement the bond was the one more lesson in my account that day.
Other TIET guys,all from B.Tech talking to me like I am the one armed perfectly in the battle field.M.Tech in VLSI was the Brhamastra according to them.
The air around became so stressful as one by one candidates were being called by a girl flinging here and there like a kite.Suddenly,Nimisha Saini..I became so cool just before entering the room. There I saw two men in the mid 30s sitting on the other side of the table.We shook hands,I managed to smile somehow and introduced myself.Now the funny journey began and i tightened the seat belt..my eyes beseeched "leave me I cleared the test by mistake".There was no way out and electronic door was closed.All the stupid and meaningless theories started demanding a valid reason for there existence in those old mildewed books.We were heading towards a journey inside the thick of thin things and this went on for 2 hours. Okie I am ashamed...I don't know this and that...leave me.This was a call from the wretched brain of mine,more looking like a standing jest. Thank God!! it wasn't too bad but not very good.
Getting back to the normal world was so peaceful.By that time a rare feeling of troubling mamma and uncle arrested my heart.It was 8:30 pm.The whole day they just sat on the sofas reading magazine and observing the MNC trends.A bunch of friends from NSIT amused everyone out there.
The hope of getting in never stirred my mind and the same feeling still existed inside.The result was declared dramatically as always and 7 guys were selected. Just 7 of 108!!!
"The day was not wasted,see the exposure you got",were papa's words. "So what if you rejected their offer",said jokingly.This is my papa,always cool.Sympathies and congratulations for clearing the written (atleast) were in my way after getting back to masi's place.
This was true.The day was not wasted.Atleast I stepped out of that long corridor from VLSI lab to HOD's office.Sick of swinging like a pendulum between these two ends the day gave a chance to see outside the window,one side of which is my group of 4,Alpana mam and a journey to Kurukshetra almost every weekend.The other side was scaling height freely and competing with the top rankers.
Last four months have been passed sitting in front of computer, analysing those waveforms and finding a meaningless meaning out of those.That black screen of Tanner EDA tool leaves no chance to get a glance from me even in my dreams.My thoughts have been confined to the VLSI lab and getting out of it one Saturday when Sundays and Saturdays have really lost there meaning, felt like scaling freely at FREESCALE Motorola.
This is for mamma,papa,my brother and relatives
A sleeping thought gets meaning
when you awake me...
Thin things become so thick
when you talk to me..
Heights loose the awe
when you embrace me...
The power bestowed by you
is the one that drifts me..
Its just love and nothing else
that drives the world...
Surprised at those
who are alive and kicking..
Living without a drop of affection
In a dearth of warmness..
Striving for a relationship
in a hunger of liveliness.
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